I was told that in a relationship you have to need one another in order for it to work, and I have to say this baffled me. I remember thinking to myself I would never want to need anybody or anything, I have God and myself and that should be all that I need. I assume when the time came for a relationship in my life I would the relationship to exist if only we wanted it to. I feel like placing a “need” in the relationship provides an unnecessary strain on things. I feel like that element is like a 5 ton weight no one should have to carry. My friends disagree, I keep hearing silliness like “Men are wired for respect and woman for stability”. I guess to some degree I can see the validity in this, however I cannot respect this notion; I feel like that statement in itself is a two way street. It also doesn’t quite dispute or support my stance, which also confused me. I have also been told that maybe I am too independent and that is my down fall. After hearing this I thought to myself, why would anyone want to be dependent on anybody? or to admit they aren’t strong enough, or resourceful enough, or good enough to make it on their own. In essence to be dependent means to admit weakness, at least that is what it means to me.
What if you cave and decide that you need someone? and then things don’t work out, are you then left with a void of some sort? I guess either way a hole will be left in the absence of a former love, however I feel like its not as bad if you handle everything yourself and remain independent. I feel like its foolish to lose yourself in any endeavor and allow someone else to meet your needs.
I know some people reading this might be thinking, but what of sex, companionship, emotional, spiritual and financial support? and to that I say get a job, friend, find religion of some sort, and in some cases a therapist; as for sex you have several choices masturbation, friends with benefits or promiscuity or relationship. I guess I shouldn’t have said several, there aren’t many options for sex. I would also like to say while sex is amazing and it’s easy to fall victim to it’s spell, it shouldn’t be priority and it shouldn’t be a “need”.
I digress because it seems I am getting off topic. I feel like in a relationship a “want” would supersede a “need” . I have never went above and beyond because of a need, but I have for things that I wanted. I know its ass backwards but I am just being honest.
A “need” implies obligation, or business arrangements of sort, something out of necessity; whereas a “want” is the embodiment of your passions and emotions brought to fruition, simply because you chose it and made it so. There is a huge difference in the two and with a “need” it allows no emotion, which means no love and that I find terrifying.