Tag Archive | ecstasy

Midnight thoughts

Here I sit awake thinking

To myself, of all that I once thought

To be certain for sure

As I reflect on a previous conversation

That gave me pause

For the man I once thought

Constant and sure said something rather

Peculiar to me earlier today

Logical but peculiar, and normally

I wouldn’t have given it much thought

But in light of recent events I can’t help

But think that maybe there’s more to it.

He said “I don’t know what the next six months has in store for us, I mean …I hope our relationship grows and blossoms but no one knows for sure”.

Which is a far cry from his original statement where he stated “no matter what we would be together”.

But then again, he’s more secretive with his phone, looks at other girls I’m sure he thinks are prettier and I can’t help but ask myself why is he still here?? Is this just something in the meantime?? Or until he’s bored??? I dunno??? Only time will tell.

The question I keep asking myself is, why do I even bother to love??? Is he worth it??? Why did our paths cross?? What is the point of all this???

Like he proposed to me !?! For what just to act as though he’s still single!?!

Should we continue is this to be my life, feeling unattractive and not enough because at the end of the day hes always going to look at other girls on his page, and snap chat and friends list.

His reason is porn, he actually told me he needed to get hard so he looked up his friends naked picture to get hard enough to fuck me!!!!

I guess my exposed body wasn’t enough! I have never felt so unattractive in my life.

Like how would he feel if sat there gawking at my hot, tall, super packing, buff guy friends in my little groups and snap chats and shit to get in the mood to fuck him!?

Oh and then when I go to fuck him the wetness from the visual treat of my social media friends is ruined by the sight of him, because that’s pretty much what he told me when he said his boner went away looking at me after he looked at his snap chat whores and sluts.

He never looks at me the way he looks at them and when I send him pics he gets irritated, and it’s like if you don’t want to see me then like why the fuck are you even with me and hanging around!?!

I can send any straight guy a million pictures from any angle and they love it all, and never tire at the sight but him, he doesn’t even bother to look at them when I send….jut closes the chat. So m trying be cute and sexy is a waste, me doing my hair a fucking waste …not like he cares enough to notice and or comment preemptively, me doing anything is a fucking waste, unless I’m fucking cooking it’s a waste and will go unnoticed unless I bring it to his attention and ask. Guys out in the street notice but my fucking oblivious fiancee, he makes me feel sooooooooo sexy and special and wanted…..sike. jeez no wonder sex is a chore for him and I have to hound him for it. He can regal me of these epic stories of bitches past with these crazy sessions and I have to damned near beg….it’s because he’s obviously not attracted to me and it took me this long to realize it…..wow I feel really really stupid right now…..this is a new and uncomfortable feeling me, I don’t like it.

But then it begs the question what’s wrong with me that I have someone around that constantly makes me feel this way and tells me this is something I’m going to have to deal with while they work on doing better….

This I thought to be a child’s response.

Fuck me, what the fuck am I to fucking do !!!!!

I can’t even sleep, I’m so frustrated and upset like words can’t even explain.

Well that’s all for now. Goodnight guys and for those that follow, thank you and have a great night.


Lost ecstasy 

Each day we begin anew

Pleasantries and greetings shared 

Your soul calls to mine as you guide

Me, taking me by the hand

Transforming all that I know with 

Simply your words alone. 

I feel the warmth of your hands and

The softness of your lips as you kiss me

The playful nibble of my breast 

And yes even the promised release. 

Caught up in ecstasy I throw caution 

To the wind. 

Focusing solely on the now. 

Every day a new memory shared 

Lust filled messages exchanged 

Feeding off each others energy 

Each message intensifies 

And I can once again be lost to this new-found 

Fantasy, for which I’ve grown dependant 

Awakening something deep within me 

I thought had long since been lost

But like most creatures with intelligence 

You sought more

What was once enough 

Is no longer the case 

You now crave me, not just my body

but all of me

In its entirety 


This demand of me 

I’m not ready and

I’m unsure I can give

Instead I offer you a glimpse of what you ask

Leaving you speechless 

Your spirit that once greeted me each day

Now shrinks away at my touch 

Leaving me a lone and upset 

I was weakened by you and I gave in

Now the price I pay, is the loss of you

If you knew me and had all of me

You wouldn’t seek me

For as bright as the light that draws you to me

Is also a great darkness that wants to consume me

You see it, and feel it; don’t you? 

You just haven’t quite made sense of it, but your more 

Than aware. 

This awareness will be our downfall. 

Return to me and let us go back to 

Our escape 

Ignorant of all that we know

If it’s even possible, that is.