Tag Archive | encouragement

My language, translation included 

They say that knowing is half of the battle

but what exactly does that mean?

Every relationship, encounter or experience is an opportunity to learn and grow

I have learned that I am stubborn, passionate, vulnerable, flawed, hurt, damaged, strong willed and I am currently running on borrowed inner strength.

I have learned that I have a want to be loved and liked by those that matter, I love hard and I do everything in my power to show my love, I have abandonment issues, I am terrified that I won’t be able to have a family of my own one day, I am worried that marriage may not be an outcome for me and I wont find the person who deserves all of my love and what I have to offer.

I have learned that I have to be fearless in order to not have to face my fears.

I have learned that all of these things have come together inside of me and I have formed my own language.

My “I am fines, nothing is wrong,” is a cry for help and love

My saying I don’t want children is because its a lot easier than admitting that I may not have a say in the matter.

My saying that I am fine being a lone and relationships aren’t for everyone, and marriage is over rated is my way of saying that I am afraid that I may not find the one and I should get used to being alone.

Me choking on my emotions and telling people to stop being emotional is my way of saying, I have been hurt so many times that if I allow myself to feel in any capacity that it will overwhelm. I need to keep it bottled, I can’t allow myself to feel or grief.

I hurt so easily, I pretend nothing phases me but a lot hurts, a lot is chipping away at me; but I have to be strong, I have to be cool, I have to be that symbol of inspiration. I can’t let my friends and family see me being human…. being human is not a luxury afforded to me.

I have over time developed a complicated language layered in fears, insecurity and wrapped in pain, stamped damaged.

My biggest fear is not finding the one who can translate and understand

The one that is patient enough to kiss the stamp, see the pain and embrace me and once unwrapped get through the layers and find me at the center of the chaos, stand by me and love me all the more for what they have seen.

I don’t want to pretend anymore and I just want to be and let my guard down, I need to be human and know its ok.

Until then, I will wait ….for the one I feel safe enough around to take down my defenses, and let see the real me.

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Learn to love yourself

“love doesn’t hurt you. People who don’t know how to love, hurt you. Don’t ever confuse the two”
-Steve Maroboli

I have found this to be more true each and every day.  The reason why relationships fail is because of this fundamental fact. People constantly hurt their significant other and all under the flag or banner of love.  I find myself saying true love doesn’t hurt, it’s just not possible if it’s Sincere. I was told I was wrong because people do it all the time that doesn’t mean they don’t love one another;  when in actuality that’s precisely what it means.

I have honestly loved all my exes, and have honestly and always try to do what was best for them even if it wasn’t reciprocated; which brings me to my next topic.  Love yourself. If you love yourself (which I’m learning to do)  you will never allow anyone to treat you in a manner that which is beneath you. You will not accept someone who is not on your level,  that offers excuses, that tries to pass abuse of any and all nature’s off as love.  You will know that as a man you should be treated as a king because you treat your woman as a queen,  and you ladies will know that you should be treated as queens because you treat your men as kings.

I am truly tired of people treating their significant other as royalty, while they themselves are kicked and stepped on treated as dirt. We deserve better and we are better than this.

When we demand that people meet us on our level, we can make progress and stop this vicious circle of broken hearts and jaded souls,  we can stop the damage.
There are too many of us full of love and appreciation getting damaged by those who treat love as a form of control and a game. Guys, ladies and gentlemen we deserve better. I know now that I do and so do you.