Tag Archive | perception

Calm 

Be the calm and never the storm

When you see your partner or friend

Stressing, be that calm and be that 

Comfort, be their idea of home and 

Safety and comfort 

Let go of petty behavior, step outside 

Of yourself and see what they are 

Going through and be there for them.

When we step outside of the house

It feels like the whole world is what 

We are up against, so be the support 

And the reinforcement 

Do not add to the numbers of people 

They have to fight and stress over 

The goal should always be to add to 

In a beneficial way and improve upon 

Moving forward.

The saddest of days

It’s a sad day when you drift away

Sadder still when the common ground you once shared and stood on no longer exists 

You see one another separating 

slowly at first

And as the distance grows,the reality that you’ve outgrown one another sets in and engulfs you

Before you know it your lost to one another

Our season of blue skies and carefree talks comes to an end as the winter of our discontent begins. 

I’d give anything to save us but with growth comes a price, which I now have to pay. 

A sad day indeed 

It’s like this

Life happens and it preps you for the next step in life
Lost a job, there’s better on the horizon
Lease is up,  there’s a better apartment waiting for you
Computer broke down, time for an upgrade.

Before you can get these next level things in store for you, life is going to kick you around and test your resolve.

Think of it as a video game, at the end of each level there’s a boss and with each level it increases in difficulty. At this moment you can tuck tail and go back towards what’s comfortable, or strengthen your resolve and kick ass and get what you deserve.

You deserve the best so never settle for less. Always remember that anything worth having in life isn’t going to be easy to obtain.

Predator and it’s prey

If you care
If you feel
If you have a soul
Keep it a secret
If you’ve got morals
Tell no one and guard these truths with your life.
There are those, who lack these things and seek it out in others.
They Hunger for it and with one slip up they will have your scent,  like a shark drawn to blood and they will devour you; in hopes to destroy that which they want most.

Be careful for you have been warned.

Fair is fair…. Or is it?

A series of events took place
And now we are both here
You in your hour of need
Wrought with Ill intent
And me on my way
To where?  You could care less
Yet here We Stand
A decision must be made
Weapon in hand you make your demands
Bag in tow, speechless I remain
Comply or fight?
Either way I may still be hurt
One way I’m twice the loser
The other I may the victor
Self defense is what they’ll
Say
Your life in your hands and both
Of ours in mine
But fair is fair….
Your health noticeabley deteriorated
I can over power you
But to be safe I’d have to wound you
I know reasoning with you is not an
Option
My back to the wall and time of the
Essence
The time for action nigh
If I do this… There’s no going
Back
No matter what forever changed I’ll
Remain
You lunge seeing opportunity, in my
Distracted gaze
Barely missing, I begin to sob
You have forced my hands
My choices now die and be robbed
Or defend
Oh how I wish things were different
That none of this happened
Your grip loosens on the weapon
Seeing this opportunity
I grab it and plunge it deep into
Your body
A sigh of relief escapes my lips
My body shakes, despite the danger
Passing
I look down
What have I done?
Fear in your eyes, somehow betrayal
This is not at all how you thought it
Would end
Tears streaming down my face
In shock
Fair is fair, I tell myself
Yes self defense is what it’ll be
I wrestle with my thoughts as I look for my
Phone
I dial 9-1-1
The operator on the phone
I choke on the words “help please”
My phone falls to the floor as
I collapse next to this poor soul
That the fates will soon claim
I want to say it’ll be alright, and to hold on
But instead I say nothing and continue to cry into
Silence and dark of night
Anger and frustration knots in
My chest
In another life, maybe I died
And he lived
Maybe I should have died but defied death
His prize?
Why should I live and you not?
Why?
Here I remain
Tortured by the events that took place
Is this really fair?
I don’t know what brought you to me
On this night
What I do know is for all your
Pain, and suffering, and struggles
You deserved better
And I feel worse for having survived
And one thing left to be known
Fair is fair…. Or is it?
For there was no fairness this day

There’s Insanity In Love.

I sit here tormented by my thoughts and selfish needs

I want you and only you

I spend my time thoughts filled and preoccupied as my body yearns for your touch and your warmth

The only happiness I have ever known in a long time

I cling to you, unintentionally smothering you

You push back, wounding me in the process

My mind is telling me to leave you be but my heart you see compells me otherwise

you push back harder and harder, your words become unsure and uncertain

I see what you refuse to

the two of us a drift on the tattered remains of our relationship

the distance growing with each passing moment

Unwanted, hurt, betrayed, rejected, and alone I lay at night

Betrayed because I am not enough, I cannot share the moments and thoughts with you

You need more, and at night you go out to get your fill

Here I lay trying not to smother you more than I have already done

Time passes

the thoughts of your absence and new found social life echoes in mind

depression and abandonment settles in

I act drastically

sure I have your attention now but at what price

the want, validation and attention I sought out i gained

but at what price

your hurt, irreparably so

What I once thought to be damaged was unharmed and stronger than ever

in my madness I took a sledge hammer to the walls and foundation of the house

that was once a beautiful metaphor for our relationship

and I alone single-handedly brought it to ruin

now here I stand in the wreckage

face stained with tears with one question in my mind

“was it all worth it?”

the answer

“no”

Nothing is worth the price of your happiness

It was i that betrayed, hurt and abandoned you

You tried your hardest and I repaid your attempts with betrayal and selfishness.

I can never apologize enough

You will always be too good for me.

I will never deserve you, the amazing man that you are

one should never treat a blessing so poorly.

I just hope one day you can forgive me

and that

one day we can return to what we once were.

-Hannah

One of those nights

I normally go to sleep around 11pm…..on a good night, other nights however I find myself wide awake. So to pass the time, I either lay awake in the dark calm of my room, with my boyfriend tossing and turning beside me or do things. My favorite things to do in order clean, watch anime or mischief. Sadly tonight I am in neither mood so I am left with mischief. My mischief normally consists of me making chat accounts with suggestive pictures as the profile, to ensure a speedy response followed by the most distasteful of conversations.

I know that my boyfriend would disapprove, no matter how innocent my idea of play was and this fact alone made it more fun. The chats would be filled with promises of lewd acts, and empty promises; hours would pass by and eventually we’d say our goodbyes. Every encounter given a phony name, my last ditch effort to cover my tracks and keep my identity secret. These chats excited me in ways I have never felt before. I don’t know if it was the indecency of the conversation or the fact that it was forbidden that excited me more; maybe it was a little of both.

Most of the conversations started off with the men/women confessing their loneliness,and how long its been since they last sexual relations of any nature and quickly escalated into what could be described as extreme erotica, with a stranger and myself as the author. I spent a great deal of time on these chats, gathering regulars who eagerly and hungrily greeted me once my light turned green next to my username; indicating that I am online. I grew accustom to this and it became my routine.

Tonight I logged on as I had done many nights before, and one of my favorites had disappeared. This troubled me, why? I couldn’t rationally explain. Maybe I had gotten attached and was unaware? Maybe I had secretly wanted to carry out these acts with this stranger? or maybe I was simply reacting at all because deep down I am a child and I felt as though someone took away my favorite play thing. Who knows. I continued to search for my favorite toy, but to my dismay nothing. It was if it never existed.

Determined not to have this ruined my night I attempted to duplicate this sexually charged exchange with another. Sadly it wasn’t the same. I logged off, too upset and disappointed to say goodbye. I sat in my room this time with the lights on, frustrated beyond comprehension. Again my boyfriend tossed and turned, moaning fretfully and snoring gently every so often in his sleep. I turn to wordpress, my outlet. Even though I have no more to say on the matter, I am still not satisfied. This will have to do as it is now 3:19am, and I do have to work today. *sigh* it is indeed one of those nights.