Archive | April 2016

Strange feelings

My eyes tear to think of you
Why?  When I hardly know you
Yeah we have spoken
And exchanged emotions
Shared moments
But our hearts are now
Adrift going opposite ways
This feeling inside, I cannot describe
What you need, what you crave
I haven’t to give
A love I have never known
And support I have never had
Where you go? Where your
Journey leads?  Excitement
And joy
Where mine leads? Has yet
To be seen.
I am grateful for what we had
And shared
I loved you,  not just the idea
But you in your entirety
Smile,  flaws, personality, laugh
And quirks.
Your truly a blessing and I hope
To never lose you.
Tears roll down my cheeks
As I say to myself it’s for the better
You will be alright
As will I.

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Fair is fair…. Or is it?

A series of events took place
And now we are both here
You in your hour of need
Wrought with Ill intent
And me on my way
To where?  You could care less
Yet here We Stand
A decision must be made
Weapon in hand you make your demands
Bag in tow, speechless I remain
Comply or fight?
Either way I may still be hurt
One way I’m twice the loser
The other I may the victor
Self defense is what they’ll
Say
Your life in your hands and both
Of ours in mine
But fair is fair….
Your health noticeabley deteriorated
I can over power you
But to be safe I’d have to wound you
I know reasoning with you is not an
Option
My back to the wall and time of the
Essence
The time for action nigh
If I do this… There’s no going
Back
No matter what forever changed I’ll
Remain
You lunge seeing opportunity, in my
Distracted gaze
Barely missing, I begin to sob
You have forced my hands
My choices now die and be robbed
Or defend
Oh how I wish things were different
That none of this happened
Your grip loosens on the weapon
Seeing this opportunity
I grab it and plunge it deep into
Your body
A sigh of relief escapes my lips
My body shakes, despite the danger
Passing
I look down
What have I done?
Fear in your eyes, somehow betrayal
This is not at all how you thought it
Would end
Tears streaming down my face
In shock
Fair is fair, I tell myself
Yes self defense is what it’ll be
I wrestle with my thoughts as I look for my
Phone
I dial 9-1-1
The operator on the phone
I choke on the words “help please”
My phone falls to the floor as
I collapse next to this poor soul
That the fates will soon claim
I want to say it’ll be alright, and to hold on
But instead I say nothing and continue to cry into
Silence and dark of night
Anger and frustration knots in
My chest
In another life, maybe I died
And he lived
Maybe I should have died but defied death
His prize?
Why should I live and you not?
Why?
Here I remain
Tortured by the events that took place
Is this really fair?
I don’t know what brought you to me
On this night
What I do know is for all your
Pain, and suffering, and struggles
You deserved better
And I feel worse for having survived
And one thing left to be known
Fair is fair…. Or is it?
For there was no fairness this day

Chaos theory I

I have felt moments of earth shattering sadness, and couldn’t explain why. I could be having the best day of my life and then like a 5 ton weight, out of nowhere; I’m hit with this soul crushing sadness.
Then I started to think, if roughly 105 people die every minute and 4 people are born every minute…..

Then what if someone you were yet to meet, but were denied that experience due to their passing?

Just think for a second you haven’t met them but spiritually your picking up on their life energy and when it ceases to exist in its physical form, mentally you can’t comprehend it but spiritually your feeling that loss; hence the sadness that follows. It’s the only explanation I could think of.

Just think about it, open your mind and entertain that thought for a second.

Learn to love yourself

“love doesn’t hurt you. People who don’t know how to love, hurt you. Don’t ever confuse the two”
-Steve Maroboli

I have found this to be more true each and every day.  The reason why relationships fail is because of this fundamental fact. People constantly hurt their significant other and all under the flag or banner of love.  I find myself saying true love doesn’t hurt, it’s just not possible if it’s Sincere. I was told I was wrong because people do it all the time that doesn’t mean they don’t love one another;  when in actuality that’s precisely what it means.

I have honestly loved all my exes, and have honestly and always try to do what was best for them even if it wasn’t reciprocated; which brings me to my next topic.  Love yourself. If you love yourself (which I’m learning to do)  you will never allow anyone to treat you in a manner that which is beneath you. You will not accept someone who is not on your level,  that offers excuses, that tries to pass abuse of any and all nature’s off as love.  You will know that as a man you should be treated as a king because you treat your woman as a queen,  and you ladies will know that you should be treated as queens because you treat your men as kings.

I am truly tired of people treating their significant other as royalty, while they themselves are kicked and stepped on treated as dirt. We deserve better and we are better than this.

When we demand that people meet us on our level, we can make progress and stop this vicious circle of broken hearts and jaded souls,  we can stop the damage.
There are too many of us full of love and appreciation getting damaged by those who treat love as a form of control and a game. Guys, ladies and gentlemen we deserve better. I know now that I do and so do you.